Have you ever felt insecure?


Among all types of intelligence, intrapersonal intelligence is interpreted as the ability to understand one’s own thoughts and feelings and use them in planning and directing one’s own life. I’m always confident because it’s inherently there, as one of my instincts. But for many times, I could not avoid the feeling of insecure when standing in front of many choices, I was bewildered not knowing where to go and what to do.

– I feel my mind is not fine lately! I can’t see clearly what I want.

– Uhm, because you want so many things!

Last year, I took an Adobe’s Creative Types online test to see which type among the eight creative types I am: Artist, Thinker, Explorer, Producer, Dreamer, Creator, or Visioner. The result showed that I belonged to the “Dreamer” group. In fact, before I took the test, both my beloved ones and I knew for sure that I was a genuine dreamer, an idealist who often wandered in my vague emotions and thoughts. It was certain that I had so many beautiful dreams and aspired to fulfill my dreams. He was right. I, I was the one who was expecting too much!

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At such times, I often spent time looking for the answers myself. For days, I just stayed indoors, bought flowers arrange at home, brewed tea, cooked, tried some new recipes, read books, watched movies, occasionally went to the store near my house to buy some vegetables – meat – fish, played with my cats and dogs, … So what’s the difference with my everyday life ?! These days, I didn’t try to find or delve into the pleasures on the internet, always kept my mind focused on the small things, enjoying the joy of the whole process of doing things, not just trying to complete what I did, patiently waiting and not being in a hurry. For example, while arranging flowers, I could play my favorite playlist, immersing myself in the immense space of music, cherishing the beauty of the flowers that appeared before my eyes, and listening to the beat of my heart. The peace surrounding my beloved house softened the harsh impulses inside me. While I cooked, I smelled the aroma of fresh ingredients, hearing the sizzling sound of the pan mixing into the soothing music, watching the smoke rising up, watching the change in color and aroma when the food is cooked… While sitting at the dining table, you should not be distracted by the news from the TV or the phone, but just slowly and happily eat the food, chatting with the person who is eating with you. The book “Mindful eating – the eating method of Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh” by Rachel Bartholomew, Mandy Pearson mentioned the concept of “mindfulness”, which was actually nothing big, but very close to us. Mindfulness is listening and responding to the unique needs of each body, thereby nourishing a healthy and energetic body. Practicing this is relatively difficult because we have to learn to get rid of the uproar in our minds.

And of course, every time, after my self-interrogation, the last thing I want to gain is happiness. So it’s not that difficult anymore, just point out the things currently in your mind, choose the things that make you feel truly happy, and cross out those things that are just vague expectations. This step is not easy for me, but at least I have taken it slowly and find the answer within myself, not asking for any advice from anyone else. When you have inner peace, your mind will be bright. I have found a way to do business and how to solve some other problems, and I will continue to blog, eat, hang out, dream and love hard. I believe that everyone in life goes through their rough periods, or faces difficult decisions. I hope you will know how to listen to yourself.

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