I used to be a girl with a broken heart who believed ideal love is when the guy you love is happy with the one he loves, and about you, it’s ok to be hopeless and hurt. Eventhough deep down inside, there is no one who doesn’t want to get back the one they love?! I used to silently nurture my sorrow until it became as big as a balloon. When the balloon bursted, my love was also drained out. I could walk away with no regret. I waited for the man of my life, because I never stop believe in love.
And then he came, surprisingly as a rain to water my soil of love which had been so barren. I don’t know why I fell in love with him. He isn’t sure why he had such quick emotion with the girl who he just met. We didn’t have time to realize the strange emotion that took two strangers closer to each other.
He is a caring, nice, and sincere man. He behaves nicely to everyone and everything, he always puts himself in the shoe of other people, and he is ready to be the one who pays most. He didn’t pursue me with the hunting instinct of men like the men I’ve met before. The way he cared about me was as natural as we had known each other from previous life, more like intimate friends than lovers. He often praised me beautiful when I also found myself beautiful. He frankly criticized me at times when I was sad and didn’t care what I wore, which lipstick I wore, whether I combed my hair before going out. He would be noisy if I stayed up late to watch movies, went outside in windy days without my coat, worked and forgot my meals.
Of course he also has some bad habits such as nagging like an old man, every time he drinks a little beer, he becomes a “never say no” man (never know how to refuse), if anyone askes him to go out for a drink, he will drink, if anyone askes him to go out, he will go out with them until the morning and will not forget to take his wife along, will never admit mistakes but often makes me laugh and then forget about finding fault about him, etc. & etc. He is a combination of both the good and the bad that a human being basically needs to have, a very human-like human being, the most genuine thing I’ve ever touched. He is so real that sometimes I got angry. But I know, it’s not easy to find an ideal lover than he. If it hadn’t been so, I wouldn’t have been able to nod my head as soon as he proposed after only 10 days of love.
Our marriage life is also bumpy because both have strong personalities and are hard to reconcile. Gradually, we learned how to respect each person’s character, instead of seeking the ways to change ourselves for the other. A friend once told me that her husband and she have totally different viewpoints, they argue everytime they meet, but still loved each other very much, for ten years they couldn’t stop. That night when I got home, I read the book and had to stop several times because her sentence was in my head. In many situations, our husband and I disagree, and we choose to argue for fun in the house, although on weekdays, both enjoy being quiet. We argue to understand each other better, although after the debate is over, it is unlikely that one of them will change the mind. We quarrel regularly, and love each other every day.
The ideal love for me now is not necessarily that two people must look in the same direction or one person must sacrifice and suffer for the other; but two people who always trust, support each other in life, make mistakes and grow together, between them, there exists a passionate, fierce, and most important love: each person can be themselves. . In all the fluctuations that have been experienced, when I was about to reach the threshold of 30, I never had to regret my decisions. Love you, I know to cherish myself more, be honest with the person inside me, with the person I love, do not hesitate to do what I like and do not have to lie to the other person please, can continue to follow chasing dreams from your free time. And I always love dearly …
An article for Elle Magazine in January 2018.
Photo taken in the ancient city of Ephesus, Turkey.