According to psychologist – Dr. Gary Chapman, each of us has a different “love language”. By understanding that difference and knowing how to use your love language correctly, you will be able to build a solid foundation for love and a happy family where you both feel you are cared for and loved in the warmth and passion of love.
There are 5 types of love languages:
- Words of Love: People who speak this language prefer to receive affectionate expressions of love, appreciation, or verbal praise.
- Caring Actions: The language of the people who prefer actions over words, prefers devoted care.
- Gifts: Gifts, regardless of the value, which show the giver’s heart, are the best.
- Time to Share: Nothing more important than the wholehearted, complete devotion of your loved one. Having a perfect time together is enough.
- Physical Contact: Love is shown through the touches, which can be holding hands, hugging, or being deeply engaged in each other.
Previously, I always thought that what I love the most in love were touch and affection; But after doing the love language quiz, I realized that my main love language is caring actions, and physical contact is only my second language. I tend to like my lover to help me with practical things in life, to solve the difficulties in work and life with me.
The result helps me to be more discerning about my love needs and more aware than ever that I have felt incomplete happiness in relationships because the other person did not understand my love language. For example, my ex thought that a word or a special gift that they spent much time and effort to buy to give me can ease the mess in my heart at that time, but what I really needed was his care and attention.
My friend told me that her love language is Physical Contact. In the past, every time her husband and she quarreled, her husband did not understand, so he was afraid of touching her, which made her even angrier. Meanwhile, what she needed at those times was just a hug. The closeness of the two bodies will help her feel his love. When the couple knew their love language, every time she got angry, it’s okay for him to just come over and hug her.
Similarly, as for my husband and me, his love language is Time to Share. That is why he is always happy and complete when there are only two of us together, and not bothered by other factors. At that time, sometimes, I do my own thing, he does his work, but when there is something fun, we turn to tell each other. Understand this, when something is not right between the two of us, instead of slamming the door or leaving, we both spend quiet time together. And when he is less angry, he will do something to show his concern for my bad mood.
It is impossible to fully understand a person, because each of us is a flowing stream that is always in motion, and very difficult to grasp. But as long as two people understand each other’s love language, it means we more or less have “the same voice” – this will help solve a lot of problems in our love and married life. The distance between the two will be closer and the conflict will be gently removed.
If you want to read more carefully, you can find and read the book “The 5 love languages” by Gary Chapman. And if you want to know what your love language and what your partner’s love language is, you can do the quiz here, which is really very useful. : https://www.5lovelanguages.com