If I don't love you, who else will I love?

The other night, I had a sad dream. When I woke up, my heart was tightened and my eyes were streaming with tears. Sometimes, I dream that our relationship gets so bad that we have to break up. Obviously, in general, our days go by happily. But life is never complete, and neither is marriage. The last time we quarrelled, he left the house. The two of us faced each other with the eyes as if we wanted to tear up space and time into thousands of pieces. I thought that he could throw me up, but in the end, love (once again) won. Many times, a similar thing happened. Perhaps, our dreams reflect a part of the fear that people often do not want to face.

I said if one day he doesn’t love me anymore, please be honest with me that his love is exhausted. In my previous dreams, he fell in love with another woman. This time, he simply said, “I don’t love you anymore”. Even though his sincerity is what I want, when it comes, even in a dream, I still cannot breathe. The reason “I fell in love with another person” seems even more pleasing than “I don’t love you anymore”. That statement confirms that all is finished, and there is nothing left between us. Indeed, people only have the opportunity to return to each other when love is still there, but if there is no longer love, there is nothing to say. In my dream, I shed my tears of acceptance, that from that moment on, there would be a lonely person on the journey to the end of sadness.

Suddenly, I remembered Ms. C.’s words: “It is true that every man is only for one woman. It’s you who loves Mr. Anh, but if I look at him,… ahem”. For me,… I can’t fall in love with her favorite type of man. My group of close friends has 4 women, each of whom has different boyfriend gout, and even if we can swap, we can’t fall in love with the other’s type. Everyone has their lovable and bad points. It depends on each person’s frame of reference, we find it lovable or hateful. Thus, a man can also be for many women. We must add another note, if we want to find out if “we are just for each other”, we need to grow up together, keep the same viewpoint of life to understand and share. The girl in my dream, left alone by her lover, wondered: Are you (ever) really just for me?

The early morning sunlight pierced through the curtains and woke me up. The tears and the state of collapse were still intact. Seeing him lying beside me, I hated him terribly (because he had the same face and heart that he had in my dream last night). He asked, what did I dream about? After I finished telling him my dream, he looked into the eyes of the sentimental girl in front of him, “If I don’t love you, who else will I love!”, and then put his whole body on me, snuggle up to me like a consolation.

Yes, after all those years of happiness and sadness, eagerness and expectation, missing, longing, passion, craziness, silence, softness, both sweetness, and bitterness, if he doesn’t love me, who else will he love? If he is not for me, who else will he belong to?! Thank you for always remembering that a part of me is growing up with you, the rest is still a girl with a young heart, full of confidence in love but also at times is suspecting of love.