Destiny
Every day as you step out, you meet many people, but is anyone among them ‘destiny’? Similarly, as you swipe through a dating app, you encounter many, but is ‘destiny’ among them?
Whether you’re walking down the street or navigating the digital world, the chances are the same. Whether an opportunity becomes ‘destiny’ depends on your mindset. If you see it as a valuable connection, you’ll naturally explore and build that relationship. If you view someone as just a temporary stop to alleviate loneliness, waiting for the ‘next bus,’ it’s hard to find your destination.
Being proactive in love is crucial. A friend advised another to write down specific traits of an ideal partner, including acceptable and unacceptable qualities, like placing an ‘order’ with the universe; then, visit places where such a person might be found. We laughed at the idea of searching for love as if it’s a business partnership. But I think it’s sensible. The first step to being proactive is understanding your desires because not everyone has a strong ‘antenna’ to ‘catch the signal’ of someone suitable.
In the past, I didn’t ‘place an order’ with the universe. But after meeting him and realizing he’s a good man, I took the initiative to ‘give a green light,’ even reaching out to hold his hand first. I tease that I might have missed this opportunity if I hadn’t seized it. He just smiles in agreement.
I remember a friend who shook her phone out of boredom and got an interesting nick and profile on her screen. She decided to meet him. Just months later, they had a beautiful wedding and now have two adorable sons.
Opportunities for love are abundant unless you don’t understand what you want or need, who you love, how you love, or if past wounds haven’t healed.
What about destiny for those who’ve found their loved one?
Once, carrying groceries home, I met my husband at the gate and joked about our serendipity. He burst into laughter. Another time, in an elevator heading home, the doors opened at his floor, and there he was again. We smiled at each other. Such encounters happen throughout marriage. Why do we only consider first meetings as destiny and not cherish these moments with our partners? Why don’t we feel joy and surprise in these serendipitous encounters?
The excitement of new love comes from natural anticipation. Alain de Botton says this initial eagerness should build on the unknown and the allure of temptation: “Does he/she desire me?”. We obsess over new acquaintances and naturally assume they’re our destiny. We attribute logic to events that don’t possess it, like serendipity—it’s us who create it!
In marriage, when the brain stabilizes without creating excitement or creative energy urging us to turn serendipity into true love—our destiny—we can actively create destiny by cherishing joyful moments with our partner, embracing signs of serendipity and acknowledging them.
We don’t just create; we hold our destiny in our hands!
_Published in Phụ Nữ Chủ Nhât issue 18 on 19.05.2024
