Cultivating Diverse Connections for a Fulfilling Life

Remembering last summer, after enjoying an incredibly delicious bowl of Hu Tieu noodles in the scorching midday sun, my friend and I deliberately lingered for a long time in the old-fashioned eatery that didn’t look poetic at all with its stainless steel tables and chairs, the buzzing sound of fans, and the scent of broth ‘fragrant from meat, sweet from bones’ clinging to every fabric. The only reason was that we craved conversation with each other. I remember complaining that it seemed after 30, I became less patient with meetings where there were no profound stories to remember, or with people I didn’t feel a connection with.

We had a pleasant afternoon. From personal stories, the topic gradually expanded to the book I was reading, our concerns about ourselves in the development of society. The two books my friend mentioned were ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ (Victor Frankl) and ‘The Unwomanly Face of War’ (Svetlana Alexandrovna Alexievich). The common point between these two books and our discussion was about the human essence in dire circumstances and their reason for living. I don’t remember all the details, but I still can’t detach myself from the thread of conversation throughout a year.

Recently, I realized that I need family, love, friends, colleagues, and also society – a collection of people who may not be related but contribute significantly to who I am. Each person plays a different role for me to see myself as myself – through the ‘I’ reflected within them. I bet with you, there is no one who is a consistent version in all relationships. If we place ‘I’ at the center, each person who comes into our life is a thread that when all are evenly spaced around us, stretching out their thread, we find ourselves balanced, full of life. We need family to embrace us when we stumble, love to stir intense emotions, friends to trust and give us strength, colleagues to pursue dreams with, and society to give us what we don’t want so that we can appreciate what we hold in our hands. In each relationship, we are different versions of ourselves. At different times, moving between relationships, we will tighten this thread and loosen that one a bit.

Some of my threads have snapped. Completely broken and cannot be reconnected. Stepping out of the world I exist in, I find myself seeking connections outside the familiar circle to tie other threads to me in search of balance at the center of the circle.